On Bullies, and How To Responsibly Discuss Them

Some feathers flew just recently in our mailing list when someone circulated a newspaper article about some kid named Salvosa from Ateneo grade school who died recently, under undisclosed circumstances. For the three or four j-boys who didn't read the piece, suffice it to say that the gist of the piece was that a couple of bullies had made his life a living hell back then and had scarred him for life, effectively preventing him from ever making something of himself. I am not exaggerating. If you read the article, there is simply no other conclusion to draw from it.

As someone who endured various forms of bullying in grade school, and to a much lesser degree in high school, I found the author's conclusion to be extremely rash, to the point of being irresponsible. I never even met this Salvosa kid, having only entered the Ateneo in high school, but I felt like this so-called journalist had done him a massive disservice by writing about him like this. The poor kid came across as a total weakling.

As unfortunate as it is, bullying has been and will continue to be a part of school culture for a long time to come. It is a part of the reality of human existence which, to paraphrase Thomas Hobbes is nasty, brutish and short. It's detestable, true, but that doesn't mean we can't do anything about it. I know I did. I know a lot of my friends did, and turned out to be quite successful later on in life.

There are so many different things which can cause emotional scarring other than what one experiences at school, like one's home environment, physiological makeup and many other things besides. The kid clearly had a lot of psychological issues, but the writer of the piece just refused to look at things that way. I won't downplay that Salvosa really did suffer at the hands of bullies; I know I hated a lot of my grade school years because of them, but to place the burden of having irreversibly ruined someone's life squarely on the shoulders of two stupid kids who probably had their own psychological problems is just bad journalism.

It's forgivable for the deceased boy's loved ones, such as his father, as well as his would-be high school moderator, to make comments about how the bullies affected or may have affected him. It makes perfect sense for them to be swept away by emotion, especially since it should have been their job, especially the teacher's, to protect the student from this kind of treatment. But for a journalist to lift all that anger and grief and transplant it into the thesis statement of his human interest piece is just plain stupid.

Bullying is real, and it continues to be a problem in most school environments. But there are ways to tackle the problem responsibly and scientifically, which involve discussion with parents and teachers. Often (though not always), bullies are also victims, such as my favorite example, my fucked-up cousin, now living in the States bouncing from one attempt to make something his life to another. This should often be considered when talking about bullies rather than condemning them like they were child rapists or something.

The article was undoubtedly well-intentioned, and indeed the acts of the bullies were most reprehensible, but the author could have done both the poor, deceased boy and the subject matter more justice if he had avoided the trap of being caught up in the rage of the bereaved, of those feeling grief and regret over the thought of a life wasted.