You SHOULD Always Be Able to Go Home Again...
It's been a year since one of 4J's central pillars, Jay Tan, died and almost a year since one of its most indefatigable organizers, TC Montano, pretty much dropped off the face of the earth, or at least the space inhabited by 4J. In the time that has passed, 4J has become a strange and noticeably different place.
More than the exchanges of snark over contributions for parties or boys'-nights-out there's an undercurrent of unpleasantness that, more than once now, has reared its head and I can pretty much sum up the problem in one word: exclusion.
Suddenly, the j-boys who have taken up residence abroad have been branded as people who "don't give a shit" and excluded from e-mail updates.
It's been nearly two years now since I blogged about how wonderful it is to belong to a group like the J-Boys precisely because one CAN belong to such a group without some kind of requisite, like having passed a professional exam or paid some kind of membership fee. Now, apparently there's some kind of residency requirement, or at least someone would like there to be.
It's wrong to begrudge those of us who are abroad their chose to build their careers or lives there. People should be free to live where they want and in this economy it's hardly any wonder that some people would want to try to earn a living wage elsewhere. It's grating to work eight hour days and barely have enough money to support one's own family, so I can perfectly empathize with the people who would search for greener pastures, but more than that they have the freedom of choice which no one should try to take away from them.
4-J is NOT an exclusive boys' club, and that's what's made it such a wonderful group of people for nearly TWO DECADES. What has made us so special is that we were bonded by our years together in high school (and college, for some) and that this bond persists because we CHOOSE to keep it alive. The voluntary nature of the bond is one of the reasons it's so special and is defeated when some of us start dictating things the group should do, or, even worse start giving "my way or the highway" ultimatums.
I'll admit I get annoyed when certain people show up on mailing lists and start talking about their bully-boy high school days like they were the shizz (whatever that means), but for better or worse, those guys are J-Boys and I'm no about to begrudge them their memories of what 4J was like. I think it's even worse to hold the fact that someone has chosen to live abroad against him, but that's what appears to have happened lately.
I think if there's only one rule that should govern the J-boys, it should be that the door will (or at least should) always be open.
More than the exchanges of snark over contributions for parties or boys'-nights-out there's an undercurrent of unpleasantness that, more than once now, has reared its head and I can pretty much sum up the problem in one word: exclusion.
Suddenly, the j-boys who have taken up residence abroad have been branded as people who "don't give a shit" and excluded from e-mail updates.
It's been nearly two years now since I blogged about how wonderful it is to belong to a group like the J-Boys precisely because one CAN belong to such a group without some kind of requisite, like having passed a professional exam or paid some kind of membership fee. Now, apparently there's some kind of residency requirement, or at least someone would like there to be.
It's wrong to begrudge those of us who are abroad their chose to build their careers or lives there. People should be free to live where they want and in this economy it's hardly any wonder that some people would want to try to earn a living wage elsewhere. It's grating to work eight hour days and barely have enough money to support one's own family, so I can perfectly empathize with the people who would search for greener pastures, but more than that they have the freedom of choice which no one should try to take away from them.
4-J is NOT an exclusive boys' club, and that's what's made it such a wonderful group of people for nearly TWO DECADES. What has made us so special is that we were bonded by our years together in high school (and college, for some) and that this bond persists because we CHOOSE to keep it alive. The voluntary nature of the bond is one of the reasons it's so special and is defeated when some of us start dictating things the group should do, or, even worse start giving "my way or the highway" ultimatums.
I'll admit I get annoyed when certain people show up on mailing lists and start talking about their bully-boy high school days like they were the shizz (whatever that means), but for better or worse, those guys are J-Boys and I'm no about to begrudge them their memories of what 4J was like. I think it's even worse to hold the fact that someone has chosen to live abroad against him, but that's what appears to have happened lately.
I think if there's only one rule that should govern the J-boys, it should be that the door will (or at least should) always be open.
posted by Jim Arroyo at 10:53 AM
5 Comments:
of course, friends should enjoy each other's company. if they don't, well, they aren't friends.
but seriously, who were rjay's friends in school?
To be fair, the guy has, in some ways anyway, evolved somewhat, though if I recall correctly he hung out with Joel Ilao (his blockmate), Xander Lao and John Verayo. I don't recall him being of the Jazzy/Edong/Bim set, although he did end up hanging out with Mikko Alcuaz because he was also his blockmate.
He's actually decent enough company, but the thing is neither he nor anyone else has any business flinging accusations that people "don't give a shit" just because they live abroad, and even less right to exclude people.
i'm pretty sure he didn't hang out with joel in high school :)
i don't believe he was part of verayo's group.
anyway, seems to me a leopard doesn't change its spots
I was actually referring to his college barkada as I don't even know who he hung out with in high school, though now that I think about it he definitely hung out with Jigs, though I adhere to what I said about him not being part of the Jazzy et al. group. By the way, Philip wants to know how he can reach you via telephone/cellphone. I said he could reach you via e-mail/facebook/multiply but he really seems keen on calling you for some reason, and also says he's lost your e-mail addy. Maybe you could e-mail him or something?
Happy birthday again, Ryan!
yes, you should be able to go home again :-)
Post a Comment
<< Home